you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
