hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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