Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just found puke in my bra..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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