Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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