You just made me feel so damn special
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
