I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
