I'm going to jail i love you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize