i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
