i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
