I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
