I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
