its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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