I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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