I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
