You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
