I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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