well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
