Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
