piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
