the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How naked do you want me to be?
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