That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
