it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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