Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
