i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
