Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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