Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
