your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
