imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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