Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Randomize
