This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
