Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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