hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
