Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she peed on how many people?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
