So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
me + whiskey = a bad person
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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