I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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