3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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