Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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