can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
