i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
