your room smells of hookers.
And success
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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