anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize