oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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