dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
