so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
