I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize