You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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