You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
