I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
