You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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