I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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