Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
