If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
