The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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