Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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