the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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