But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
