we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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