Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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