I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
