Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
