My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
