At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
