So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i've created a new STD.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
