Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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