Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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