at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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