The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
