I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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