Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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