dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
