so explain again why im purple
no
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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