Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
