I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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