There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
