You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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