I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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