Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
