Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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