Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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