he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
