just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
