I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did I show you my penis last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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