dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
