When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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