Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
