He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
