...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
