Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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