my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
